What does it mean to “make it”? The pressure to figure out life by 30
Turning 30 is often painted as a major life checkpoint. As the story goes - by this age, you’re supposed to have it all figured out: a stable job, a house, a partner, maybe even kids. You might even feel the pressure to aim higher, with movements like FIRE (Financial Independence, Retire Early) telling people they should be ready for retirement by their 40s. Here’s the thing—those stories don’t always reflect reality.
The Pressure to “Make It”
We’re constantly surrounded by images of what success is supposed to look like. On Instagram, we see people celebrating beautiful holidays, enjoy boujee food and drink, and buying a forever home! On LinkedIn, it’s all about career milestones, professional growth, and tagging / thanking specific people who helped you get to where you are in your career. It can feel like everyone else is on track, checking off boxes and climbing the ladder.
Then there are family gatherings. Aunties and uncles with their well-meaning but relentless questions: “When are you buying a house?” “Do you have a boyfriend / girlfriend / partner?” “Any plans for kids?” And even when you achieve one milestone, the questions don’t stop—they simply move on to the next one. (And after having one child, they’ll immediately ask you when you’re having another! When will this ever end?!?)
This comparison and constant questioning can make it feel like you’re falling behind, even if the path you’re on is perfectly valid—and your own.
The Cost of Chasing Milestones
The truth is, hustling for these milestones often comes with trade-offs. Saving for a house might mean skipping out on dinners with friends or taking on an extra load at work. Chasing promotions can lead to burnout, leaving little time for fun, self-care, or simply figuring out what you actually want from life.
Even when you do hit these milestones, they don’t always bring the fulfillment you expect. You might realise:
You don’t feel as happy or accomplished as you thought you would.
The sacrifices you made weren’t worth it.
Or maybe the goal wasn’t something you genuinely wanted in the first place.
So, what happens when you finally “make it” and then ask yourself: What now?
Learning to Listen to Your Own Voice
When we’re caught in the loop of doing what’s expected, it’s easy to lose sight of what we truly want. Doing something for yourself—something outside of society’s checklist—can feel radical, even selfish. But it’s one of the most important steps toward creating a life that feels meaningful and fulfilling.
Looking back on my own journey, I remember how much pressure I put on myself in high school to achieve academic success. It was an unspoken rule: get the best grades, secure a high ATAR, and set yourself up for the future. I worked super hard and achieved my goals but the trade-offs were clear. I missed out on rest, fun, and taking care of my body. I don’t regret my decisions as the experience helped me learn a lot about myself.
Now, I’ve come up with a different philosophy: “working medium.” I think I’m finished with working hard. Working medium is about finding a balance—working hard enough to move forward without sacrificing the things that make life enjoyable, to match the current life stage I’m in.
Redefining Success for Yourself
Through my work with clients, I’ve seen how empowering it can be to step back and redefine what success means on your own terms. It’s about figuring out what truly feels nourishing and worthwhile to pursue—not just chasing someone else’s checklist.
You don’t need to have it all figured out by 30—or 40, or 50. What matters most is learning to listen to your own voice. Society’s milestones aren’t one-size-fits-all, and they don’t have to dictate your journey.
If you’re feeling lost or stuck, know that you’re not alone. At An Tâm Coaching and Psychology, we’re here to help you reflect and discover what truly matters to you. Let’s focus on what feels right for you, not the cave to the pressures around you.
Curious about working together?
Book a free 15-minute chat and take the first step toward creating a life that feels authentic and meaningful.